Last week I read a wonderful blog post about life, accepting and embracing the now, and the people you are sharing the experience with. I wish I could find it again and share it with you, but you are stuck with my thoughts it invoked instead.
We in this particular blogosphere use the word “gap-year” so much and yet I hadn’t really thought about the insinuations of it before. It’s a gap between what? School? Jobs? Life? For me, my gap was supposed to be between my office job and grad school. I wanted to take a gap year, have fun, and get some more experience in theatre before I committed to school. I didn’t know I would catch so much flack for it. There is a very negative attitude about quitting a good job around here and, though I was expecting it, I didn’t realize how personally I would take the negativity. It’s very jarring to have people who once thought I had my head on straight suddenly stick their nose up at me like I was an idiot. I can understand their emotion considering most people think quitting a steady job is moronic, but I didn’t know how deeply rooted that mindset was in me. It’s been a hard road, emotionally, as I struggle with my own expectations of where I want to be in life.
This isn’t my “gap-year,” this is my LIFE. Last year and now this year are not some pause from my life, career goals, and financial responsibilities as some may think. I’m not floating on some cloud goofing off. The world keeps turning, I am still bombarded with questions and choices which are constantly shaping my future, and this isn’t a vacation. I suppose, now that I look more closely, this gap-year thing hasn’t been a gap from a career like I had originally thought. Rather, it has been a step away from what everyone (including myself) expected of me. Only God knows where I will end up, but I really don’t think this flux I feel I am stuck in is going to end in some 9 to 5 job. This flux is LIFE, and although it doesn’t look at all like everyone else’s world around here, it’s my world, and it is a beautiful thing.
Thanks to my fellow bloggers who sucked me into their world and are daily showing me that the road less travelled isn’t so lonely after all.
I’ll see you in Iceland.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. -Douglas Adams